Psychotherapy for Relationship Difficulties in Basingstoke
Understand Why the Same Problems Keep Coming Up in Your Relationships
Relationships can bring closeness and security, but they can also be a source of worry, arguments and hurt.
Psychotherapy for relationship difficulties in Basingstoke can help you understand why you react the way you do with partners, family and friends, including when you end up feeling unheard, responsible for everyone else, or unsure what you want. This is individual therapy: you come on your own, and the other person does not need to attend.
When Relationships Become Difficult
You may recognise:
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Having the same argument again and again, or the same dissatisfaction with different people.
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Finding it hard to say what you need or to say no, then feeling resentful.
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Fear of being rejected, left, or letting someone down.
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Ending up in the same kind of relationship even though you want something different.
The way we behave in relationships usually starts in childhood: how we were looked after, how arguments were handled at home, and whether we felt safe saying what we needed. These early experiences can shape what you expect from other people, how you react when someone gets close or disagrees with you, and the role you take on, such as the one who keeps the peace or the one who looks after everyone.
My approach combines psychodynamic psychotherapy, which looks at how those early experiences affect you now, with somatic awareness, which means noticing what happens in your body in these moments.
Our work focuses on:
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Looking at how you behave with other people: what you expect from them and how you react when someone gets close, disagrees with you or pulls away.
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Noticing what you tend to do: agreeing to things to avoid a row, going quiet, taking charge of everything, or checking your phone for a reply.
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Paying attention to your body: a tight stomach before a difficult conversation, going numb in an argument, feeling on edge when someone is distant.
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Trying different responses: saying what you need, setting a limit without apologising, staying in a disagreement without shutting down or giving in.
What Happens During a Psychotherapy Session?
Sessions are private, and you can talk about your relationships without being judged.
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What is happening now: we start with the relationships or situations that are affecting you, such as a partner, a parent, a friend or a colleague.
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How you react when things get difficult: we look at what happens during arguments, when someone gets close, when you are criticised or when you are left waiting for a reply, and where those reactions come from.
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What happens in your body: we notice the tight stomach, the going numb, or the feeling of being on edge that come with conflict or distance.
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Trying something different: we work on how to say what you need, handle a disagreement, and decide whether to stay in a relationship, end it or change it.
We decide together what to work on, and the pace is set around your circumstances.
How Many Sessions Will I Need?
This depends on what you are dealing with and what you want to change.
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Session length: 50 minutes.
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Frequency: usually weekly.
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Length of therapy: we agree it together and review it as we go.
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Availability: in person in Basingstoke or online.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can individual psychotherapy help with relationship problems?
Yes. Individual psychotherapy can help you understand why you react the way you do and what you want from your relationships, even when the other person is not attending therapy.
Why do I keep having the same problems in relationships?
Often because you keep reacting in ways you learned early in life, such as keeping the peace, staying quiet or putting other people first. Psychotherapy can help you see this happening and try something else.
Can psychotherapy help me set boundaries?
Yes. Therapy can look at why saying what you need or setting a limit feels difficult, for example because you fear someone will leave, get angry or think badly of you, or because you feel guilty. Understanding this can make it easier to do.
Can psychotherapy help after a difficult or harmful relationship?
Yes. Psychotherapy can give you space to talk about what happened, how it has affected your confidence and your ability to trust, and what you want from relationships in future.
What Could Change Through Psychotherapy?
You may begin to:
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Notice sooner when you are slipping into the same role, such as keeping the peace or giving in.
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Say what you need without rehearsing it for days.
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Stay in a disagreement without feeling guilty or panicking.
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Decide whether to stay in a relationship, end it or change it based on what you want, not on fear of being alone.
Psychotherapy in Basingstoke and Online
I’m Paula Miles, a psychotherapist based in Basingstoke, Hampshire.
I work with adults who are dealing with work-related stress, anxiety and perfectionism, and who find themselves reacting to work situations the same way again and again.
My approach combines psychodynamic psychotherapy with attention to what happens in your body.
You can get to know me more here
Book a Free Initial Consultation
Contact me to talk about your situation, ask how I work and find out whether psychotherapy is right for you.