What to Do When Your Job Is Draining Your Self-Esteem
- Paula Miles
- Nov 5
- 3 min read
When work begins to chip away at your confidence and sense of self, something deeper is asking to be seen.
You used to feel confident or at least grounded. Now, every task feels like a test. Every piece of feedback feels personal. You leave work feeling smaller than when you arrived.
It’s not just stress anymore — it’s something deeper.
When your job starts eroding your sense of worth, it’s more than a rough patch. It’s a warning sign — that something essential, your self-esteem, is under threat.
This reflection looks at why that happens and what can begin to change when we understand it through a psychoanalytic lens — not as failure, but as a call for self-understanding.
When Work Feels Like a Mirror
Work often mirrors back the best parts of us — our creativity, our effort, our dedication. But for many women, it also becomes a place where old insecurities are magnified. Not because they’re not good enough, but because they’ve been carrying too much, for too long, without being truly seen.
Over time, you may start to feel:
You’re never doing enough, even when you’re overdelivering.
Every mistake feels like a catastrophe.
You measure your worth by your productivity.
You crave validation but dismiss praise.
You dread performance reviews or even small check-ins.
This goes beyond “toxic workplace” culture. It’s about what the job is stirring inside you — old patterns of perfectionism, beliefs about worth, and a deep fear of not being enough.
The Silent Erosion of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem rarely disappears overnight. It fades slowly — and quietly.
It begins when you:
Consistently override your own limits to meet impossible standards.
Stop trusting your intuition because you’re always second-guessing.
Feel that “just doing your best” is never enough — not for your boss, and not for yourself.
And soon comes the internal whisper:
“Maybe I’m the problem.”
But perhaps you’re not. Perhaps you’ve simply been trying to survive in an environment that only values you when you’re depleted.
Rebuilding from the Inside Out: A Psychoanalytic View
In psychoanalysis, we explore not just what’s happening now, but where the story began.It asks questions like:
When did I learn that my value depends on how much I produce?
Why does failure feel like shame, rather than growth?
When did rest start feeling like a weakness?
There are no quick answers — but even asking these questions starts to loosen old beliefs.
In this process, you begin to:
Separate who you are from what you do.
Recognise inherited beliefs that were never truly yours.
Reclaim parts of yourself that the job couldn’t reflect back.
Self-esteem, then, becomes less about confidence and more about connection — with your own truth, your boundaries, and your emotional freedom.
A Gentle Reminder
When your job is draining your self-esteem, the instinct is to push harder — to prove yourself again. But sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is pause. To listen. To ask when the erosion began.
Because maybe, the most radical act isn’t to achieve more —but to remember your worth was never something you had to earn.
If this resonates…
Therapy can help you understand the deeper roots of what’s happening — not just at work, but within.
I offer psychotherapy in Basingstoke and online for women navigating anxiety, burnout, and self-doubt.It’s a space to feel seen, supported, and reconnected to yourself.
Or download my E-book The Art of Boundaries for practical exercises to start your healing journey now
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